As the sun starts to slowly set on another year (and let’s face it, a bit of a s**t show of a year at that) we are all hoping that 2021 finally brings some more positive news and that we can start seeing our friends and family again (if we’re not all raging agoraphobics by then!) With the first vaccine approved and others soon to be on their way, there is at least some light at the end of what has felt like a very very long tunnel.
There are a few phrases and terms we have overheard over the last 9 months that quite frankly, I cannot WAIT to see the back of in 2021. Which ones do you hate the most?
- “The New Normal”
No. Just no, absolutely none of this is normal. There is nothing normal about people fighting over bog roll, being too scared to give your Dad a cuddle and trying to teach your own children fractions using gummy bears. There is nothing normal about living within your own four walls, never getting dressed (or at least not the top half) and spending most of your working day talking to colleagues through a screen. Sure, there have been some minor positives (particularly during the summer months) but if you ask me, this new normal can stick it – I want the old normal back.
2. Tiers
Before 2020, the prospect of tiers sounded amazing. Three tiers on a bloody big wedding cake, loads of delicious toppings, bucket loads of icing and ideally a cute little couple perched on the very top. But now? STOP ADDING TIERS!!! The prospect of tiers are terrifying, particularly when what started as 3 tiers rapidly became 4. Whilst the idea of an extra tier of cake (to save for the christening perhaps) sounds really appealing, more tiers of lockdown, does NOT.
3. Circuit Breaker
As the partner of an electrician, this term is not to be confused with the electrical safety switch, designed to protect an electrical circuit from damage when overloaded. No in 2020, a circuit breaker has basically become the threatened version of ‘turn it off and turn it on again’; in the hope that whatever the hell was going wrong before the switch was pressed would automatically be fixed when the screen comes back on. Sadly, the circuit breakers require people to actually give a damn for them to work and it appears that ship sailed quite some time ago.
4. Covidiots
We’ve always had idiots, social media Karens and conspiracy theorists, but in 2020 we’ve welcomed a whole new version – the Covidiot. The one who still believes that COVID-19 is a myth, that asking people to save the lives of others goes against their human rights, and decides to pack themselves into a train seconds after being told they should stay at home to contain a new strain. Sadly there’s no cure for this one. The vaccine may protect against COVID, but not against stupidity.
5. Unprecedented Times
Since March, I would estimate that roughly 85% of my emails have been signed off with ‘stay safe’ and started with ‘I hope you are keeping well in these unprecedented times’ I don’t want to live in unprecedented times any more. I want to live in precedented times. What does precedented even mean? Whatever, I want to be back in times where I am moaning about the person from the office that always leaves wee on the toilet seat, the smelly sandwiches left in the fridge and that one colleague who always talks WAY TO LOUD on the phone! I miss office politics, drama and gossip. I miss NORMALITY.
6. Bubbles
Ahhh everyone loves bubbles right? I have memories of the girls running around the garden hysterically laughing trying to catch them before they pop. Bubble machines, giant bubbles, bubble wands and biggest bubble competitions. Nope. Not in 2020. In 2020 the prospect of a bubble bursting is every parents living nightmare. Whether it’s a childcare bubble, a family bubble, a Christmas Bubble or a single parent bubble, I don’t want to see ANY of these bubbles ever again. Bring back with open arms the pot of washing up liquid that gets spilled within approximately 10 seconds of giving it to your child instead.
7. Rule of Six
Pre 2020 a rule of six could easily have been describing the number of beers in a pack, the number of abs on your ideal date, the number of strings on your guitar or hell, six geese a laying. Not anymore. It also appears that even with the most simple of sums people haven’t quite managed to add up correctly.
8. Self-Isolating
The very term sounds weird when you look at it doesn’t it. Isolate from ones self? With your self? In theory as a parent, the prospect of self isolating with a bar of chocolate and no kids to share them with sounds like self care heaven. Not in 2020. 14 days *or more recently 10* of hell, where the entire family has to stay inside at all times. NOT FUN.
9. Working from Home
2019 was the year that we all longed to work from home. The luxury of working in your own comfortable surroundings, wearing your slippers under the desk, having a DECENT cup of coffee and a quiet calm home. HA. No one mentioned that in 2020 you’d certainly get that wish, but sadly you’d be doing it with 2 children at home too. Now working from home almost definitely requires the inverted commas that had previously been used as an insult, because in 2020, working from home also includes bum wiping (in addition to your own), snack sourcing and referring arguments about the iPad. Joy.
10. Remote Learning
*Shudder*. How lovely remote learning sounds – hybrid learning, a flexible education, balancing both home and classroom based learning. If we were talking about studying for your adult qualification around childcare, or getting the masters you’d always aimed for then this would have sounded great. Sadly in 2020, remote learning means your little cherubs are learning at home and 9 times out of 10, YOU were their new teacher.
So there you have it – 10 phrases from 2020 I NEVER want to hear again. What else would make your cut?